My wife didn’t like us to touch when we slept, or most any time we were awake for that matter.
She insisted we buy the largest bed possible to avoid such atrocities as one of my legs drifting over.
I had no idea what I was missing, until her. As we laid in my much smaller queen sized bed, she whispered quietly in my ear nine words I never knew I even needed to hear, until she said them. Nine words my wife would never say, at least not to me.
“Do you want me to big your big spoon?”
I said nothing more than a faint, barely audible “yes.”
Then I felt her leg wind into a tangle with mine, an arm tucking gently around my torso. I felt her beautiful, young body press against mine, until I could no longer tell where I stopped and she began.
Her breath was warm; steady, soft—a lullaby sweeter than music.
It really felt like she wanted to be there, melting into me. I believed it with all of my heart, as my brain screamed obscenities and called me a fool.
But to be loved in such an open, warm way made my mind’s opinions moot.
It was everything I ever craved in my previous life.
Everything I never had.
I never wanted to sleep any other way ever again so long as I lived.
I did my best to enjoy the warmth and intimacy of the moment; I tried to ignore that nagging feeling in my gut that there wouldn’t always be a spoon to help reassure me of my choices.
But there was for now.