What it really boiled down to was this.
I had never been in love. I had loved, but I had never been so undeniably in love. The passion—that end of the world feeling of being apart. The pain of the truest yearn.
Desire in its most honest attire.
I really didn’t know what to do, how to feel, other than like a man atop a building who truly believed he could fly.
And now I was jumping off the ledge to find out.
I was driving through storms for this. I squinted my eyes and did my best to get there as quickly as I could without dying.
It was done. It was actually, officially done.
I threw my life in boxes, bribed my friends with pizza, beer and pure desperation, and created my own, new world, ready to be filled with this.
We had waited. I had waited. I had to.
I wanted her. Every part of her. From the moment I saw her walk into that bar, my life, I wanted her. Not in the easy, carnal way. I wanted her.
But not like…that. I didn’t want to be that guy. She was not the other woman. She was the only woman.
The only one that mattered.
This would not be a small “what if” lurking about in the shadows of my mind just before slumber for the rest of my life. This was a story that was in need of unfolding, whether there was a happy ending or not.
So I waited.
I did what had to be done.
And now, it was done. It sucked. It hurt. It was the beginning of a long, long process to survive.
But now, I could drive through torrential downpours and zero visibility like a man on a mission, with a clear conscience.
I thought about my wife, sitting alone in our house with our dog. Maybe she was crying. Maybe not.
I imagined the house was silent, save for a sob, sigh or spill.
I had never been the one to do the leaving before. This was all new and confusing. This sudden freedom. Being alone to make the choices I wanted, rather than resigning myself to the choices made for me.
But I wasn’t really alone. I had a safety net to break my fall.
It was a two-hour drive…I’d driven longer for less.
I leaned forward, squinted my eyes and stepped down on the gas pedal.