As most people who follow me here, there, and anywhere else might know…I’ve gone through a strange reset in my life. Where I once spread myself far too thin, pushing every abject moment of creative opportunity a bit past the limit, working my ass off on things that would never provide me more than simple, pure satisfaction at an alarming price…to put it simply, things have changed.
On the surface, I lost an awful lot; the show I was dedicated to, and the social life it provided…A band I had spent 10 years evolving, cultivating, and trying my best to keep alive…a band with an album, ready to be recorded, my finest songwriting to date. I lost friends. My job, and only source of income. I lost my ability to schmooze, to pitch, to come up with strategies for clients. I lost everything I had celebrated. Everything I had loved. You’ve heard this all before. I’ve mentioned it a time or twelve over on the book of faces.
And for those following along at home, you know what I did. I pulled back. Pulled back from the world. I spent my months hibernating. Retooling, rebuilding, reimagining.
Life isn’t easy, but it isn’t boring either. Living it gives you the insight to keep going, each step a leap, if you’re paying close enough attention. This is something I cannot wait for the younger generation to learn; that they don’t know everything. But I thought the same thing, as I made my grand declarations about life when I was young—the kind you can only make in your invincible years.
My life took a hit, and then another…then another and another.
My life has never been normal, and I’ve learned from my mistakes. Though, some lessons, I fear I may never learn; being a regrettable, hopeless romantic whom believes in psychic connections and the undeniable yet altogether simple act of love oft makes me a poor student.
But romance must wait anyway. There’s a life to build first.
This hibernation. So many times I thought I should write, create—take advantage of the down time. But somehow, I felt as if that wouldn’t be an advantage at all. So I did nothing.
I worked out, found the right job…
…And watched M*A*S*H.
All of it. Every episode from every season, in order.
The show began the year before I did, and went on until I was ten. The show’s intro theme was my lullaby long before I ever saw an episode. I watched the final few seasons as they aired, most of the humor and drama far above my head.
I watched the reruns. For a while there was an episode on some channel at every hour of the day, and I caught most of them.
But there was no timeline. One minute Beej and Haweye are pouring martinis, the next episode, Trapper is sharing the antics. I never got to see the characters develop and evolve.
This time, I served their tour of duty with them.
I’m down to the final episode. I’m not ready for “That’s not a chicken it’s a baby” and I’m not ready to say goodbye, farewell and amen, because I know it will affect me.
It has been an odyssey— both watching the show in its entirety, and the act of rebuilding my life.
But here we are. My new job has begun, the final episode is waiting to be watched, as my mental and physical hibernation slowly draws to a close.
I told myself I’d get back to the things I love, as best as I can, once I made it through this show. One more episode, and I crawl out of my cave and let the sun hit my face. I get back to Fondly, and start my new short, Rough.
I have needed this break to collect my thoughts and to figure out what kind of man I want to be.
So, to my hibernation, I say goodbye, farewell and amen.
And to the world, I say hello.